5 Bits of Wisdom for Surviving Singleness Overseas

A few years ago, I was walking through a village in northern Thailand. I was behind my friends – we typically showed up, played ball with the village children, then paraded, pied-piper style, back to the house where we held a weekly meetings . For whatever reason, I was lagging behind the others, and walked alone through the village to join the kids.An old woman, facial features almost hidden behind her wrinkles, fell into step with me. Actually, I had to slow down to match her shuffle, but hey, I like company.“I see you a lot here,” she said.“Yes, we come here every week,” I explained.She nodded. “So how old are you?”“I’m 27,” I said.“So young, so young,” she said. I grinned in response. “So are you married yet?” she asked.“Not yet,” I said (side note: always say ‘not yet’ – saying no means you never plan to!).“Oh, so old, so old, to not be married,” she said.Now, if you are like me, and single, living overseas, you’ve got a story like that – or worse. I’ve seen the things posted on Facebook from my single expat friends – if you can imagine it, we’ve probably heard it. It’s a wonder we are emotionally healthy with what’s said to us about our life status.For some reason, our beloved people we live among are more straightforward about what they will say to you. In the cultural collision that is our day-to-day lives, confusion reigns about what is acceptable to say. Some cultures are far more open in what they say to someone’s face, and then other cultures, who might not say something to you, struggle to understand cultural differences, leading to some very blunt conversations.Let’s put a few things out there, though.In this generation, people are getting married at older ages. I get that; I’ve read the articles that well-meaning friends forwarded. These friends mean to give me hope – people are getting married at older ages! Please, please remember though – that’s the average. There’s a whole bunch of points all along that spectrum. Many of us living overseas watched most of our friends marry at the ripe old age of 23-25. I myself, have two sisters who have gotten married at the age of 18, while I’m over here, 30 and not yet wed.Reality is, we’re in a timeframe that’s not our own. We see and feel the here and now; God knows the eternal. My marital status may matter to me in 2015, but in eternity, it’s irrelevant.Let me share with you some things that have helped keep me in perspective as I navigate singleness overseas.

1. Prayer & devotions. That’s right, I said prayer. I’d be a bad Christian if I didn’t list that as #1, right? It’s key though: communication with God is going to be a foundation to survival. Without having your proverbial daily bread from God, you’re going to be reliant upon yourself for your sustenance.
2. A friend. To borrow some L.M. Montgomery terminology, a bosom buddy. Someone who gets you. I have people like that in my life – and let me tell you this, they don’t always live in the same place as me. In fact, right now, one is in London, and another is in America. These women talk me out of my crazy, balance me out, and are the people I want on my team for life. These people also keep me accountable when I am lazy.
3. A profound knowledge of who you are. I am a daughter of the king, and no one can take that away from me. The Bible is full of promises of who I am; what my identity is. I am held in His hand, and no one can pluck me away. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am precious in his sight. I am His beloved. He delights in me. I am created in His image. If I really, truly believe what the Bible says about me, then WHY would I suffer from self-doubt and a million insecurities?
4. Rest. I have a full-time day job. I sit in an office at a computer all day. At night, I am caught in the hustle and bustle of living a life over here. After three years, I knew something had to change, so I have been more intentional about taking time to rest. Let me throw this out there too: there’s a Biblical foundation for rest. Jesus took time away from the crowds to be alone. He spent time with the Father; he slept. Taking time to recharge is paramount, and there is no need to feel guilty cause you ain’t superhuman and need a day here and there without human contact. Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is take a nap in the air conditioning. See, I’m giving you permission.
5. An intimate knowledge of why I’m here. I cannot stress this enough. If you are overseas just cause you think it’s cool, and you wanna travel the world and look awesome and make everyone jealous of your Instagram and how you are living life to the fullest, you WILL FAIL. At the end of the day, no matter what has happened, I know that God has called me to this time and this place and my life is fulfilled by that. I am not here by accident; I can trace a series of events that brought me to this exact moment, and I know that God has put me here. I also know that He has me here for the foreseeable future, and I can trust that.

Guys, I’ll never pretend to have all the answers. We all have to find our ways to thrive and survive. But these are the echoes that I have heard over and over from other singles living overseas, and these are the things that have helped me over here. It’s nothing new; if any of this took you by surprise, I’d be…well, surprised.Let’s talk: If you’re single and serving overseas, and have “thrive and survive” tips I haven’t mentioned, share them in the comments! Photo Credit: Thomas Hawk via Compfight cc